 As a soft they youngin My rounded thiccness made me happy Horny even Before ever knowing it as such During puberty tho I wanted to hide it & hide from it best I could Would bind my burgeoning baby breasts Or bandaid my puffy pointed nipples down For fear of my truth being discovered Hunched my shoulders forward As to make my chest flatter Tucked down my rib cage And fixed my gaze toward the ground So that I could at all times monitor How my surface would present itself for Underneath my tee was no GI Joe torso No bones with hard woven anatomy Like that of the neighbor boys Who’s bodies I would see When we chased a dead snake Down this little dirty stream In the Alabama wood behind our houses Because my body was removed Because my softness was hardened Because my nature was shamed Because my voice was silenced Because my home was demolished Because my land was taken Because my freedom was a lie When at infancy my trusted protectors Left their posts My soft body, my true body, my queer body Was with one slice, a stream of terror But if god made dirt and dirt don’t hurt Then why would my body be born in filth? Purpose & pleasure removed from my reach & why would it not be glory? This body of bodies of water I have been terrified For I have been terrorized This fear I feel through pain An inescapable kind of default The message is permanent Engraved into my softness my nature Is hardness and shame The path, the way against and away from My home, my ancestors The First Gender Who are soft thick and sensitive Dirty little streams, carrying dead snakes Through the dark & deep Alabama wood Behind all of our houses My Transition Is My Way Home. Lil Miss Bitch Tits HTXXO 
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 The Manticore is an ancient Persian mythological creature AKA The Androphagoi or “MANEATER” that is based on my ancestors, indigenous human beings called The First Gender. The Manticore or Mantichora were said to have the body of a lion, the head of a human (often bearded and called “man”), the tail and sting of a scorpion (one very deadly which produces a crop, spreading an infection to devour more hosts), the wings of a bat, many rows of teeth, who spoke with a voice that of trumpets to lure in prey, and whose young were hunted and mutilated by severing off their “tail” in order to prevent it from growing poisonous stings: all of these things being hyper illustrated metaphors for the many naturally transexual attributes of the Fitst Gender human being, our relationship to the forces of nature and the universe, and how we are hunted and removed from concouseness. In fact, all human-animal hybrids weather be gods or monsters have been based on the First Gender, or rather our imposed fearful relationship to them. Our truths turned myths by the power of storytelling: scrolls, books, songs, movies etc. The fear of transsexuality implemented through sexual repression has been so imbedded in our consciousness for thousands of years it permeates all we know today weather be fiction or non. If being told by the colonizer, we are the story of the monster, the creature, the savage, the pagan, barbarian, the werewolf, the devil. In a world built by men, this definitely how I feel often - like my monstrous ancestors: feared and hunted as a mutilated, maneating creature whose ability to change, inspires others to “eat man” as well. But then again, it was a woman who heard my voice on a call today and then referred to me as ma’am.
#firstgender #mojosexual #decolonizethisspace |
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